Destiny is control by each individual

im back.im back!

2009-03-02T15:52:13Z

Its been ages since i post..Many things had happen within months.
Anyway,its a new beginning for me now.
i have finally realised how many things i've left out and how i've changed.
I used to feel like a kid,a childish one.
Now,i still cannot deny that i'm not childish but i think like an young adult.
i have my responsibilty and roles.And i am still trying hard to fufill all these.
i need time..i need time.

Oh well,coming back to today.
i had my third driving lesson(: goodness! its scary,driving on the road.
i mean though i have the instructor beside me.i am the one controlling the wheel. hahaha!
And due to my retardness,i got horn by two cars.
and worst still engine went off half way on the road. im so kuku laa.
i better buck up man and do more feet excercise. imagining stepping on the clutch pedal for so long. my feet went numb!
sigh! cant wait for my next lesson on thursday! WooOhoOO!

diings @ 2009-02-21T13:52:00

2009-02-21T05:53:44Z

love is cruel, unexpected, unrequited, bad, misery, lonely now.
there is nothing for me to look forward to now. no anniversary, no christmas, no birthdays, no countdown, no surprises, no.. nothing. everything goes back to square one, like how 1 years back, where was i, what was i doing.

you know i hate this kinda feeling. you knew it more than anyone else.
many things happened, & they happened for a reason. maybe we're really never meant to be. ( bet you like the way you're now, so happy & free ) but but baby, you know even if its all your faults, i would still love you. i had never blame you for a single thing.

i realise something. indulging in many activities do not mean that you're leading a high life, happening, whatever. to me, its more on the people i'm spending with that makes the day happening, lively. nothing is special but spending with the one you love, to be able to share that very special moment with that special someone. even if its a little thing that he did, like ordering your fav drink when dinning. you would appreciate it, you smiled.
with that special someone, you're yourself & he lets you.
and at the last hour would seem to be like split second, they go really fast.
i want to make you smile, or rather how we used to laugh like the past. ( boy, i'm missing you every now & then )
now, do you see how important you're to me, well as always.

a part of me thinks that i'm going crazy.
there's just to much to forget.
i'm trying to. sorry.

Can't stop loving you!

2008-12-08T14:48:32Z

I know that what we have is something special.
Every time I see your face I can't keep myself together.
I can't Imagine my life without you.
Because you are my air,my boo
Your love gave me strength and all I can say is thanks.
You make me feel alive and so good
and no one can ever take you from me because I will withstood(:

diings @ 2008-11-26T14:24:00

2008-11-26T06:35:07Z

Learn and accept everything that comes your way.

Recently,many things happen..
its difficult to say.
i just need time alone and think throughly.
i still can't forget what has happen.
mayb it wasn;t on purpose but it seems so real.so real..that my dreams will come true.
i am scared.Everything is so complicated now.
Can someone just enlighten me?
but this is my problems not a good thing to drag someone into it.
Oh god,please lead me the correct path.

I Am Still Alive!

2008-11-20T14:28:40Z

i guess its been months since my last entry.
several of my friends have been asking me to update.
honestly,i've been kind of lazy to update.
And going online is really boring to me!

When O's was over,everything starts to feel the same again but not the confidence i have for now.
i am confident of getting good points for my O's!
i desperately want to be in the polytechnic.
every of my friends went on persuing something different wherby i am still here waiting for my results.
This feeling is really horrible- tend to feel useless and hopeless.
But well..perhaps i,cassandra takes a longer time but to everyone i am not putting in any effort.
Am i such a letdown to my family?! i seriously don't understand.

What a day for me.

2008-10-16T10:20:54Z

i was almost late! took a speeding cab down.
just nice for my practical.
goodness gracious me.how can i be late man!

During the practical,
no cold sweat.just feeling tired;kept yawning.
It went well(: i will definitely score well !
slept at 2am last night was the reason.....there it goes,
Felt really bad,waking up my friend from her beauty sleep just to accompany me and talk.talk.talk.
I really wonder.
Without friends how will life become.
i mean friends are not everything but when things happen,least there is someone to listen,
and they are there to stand up for you.
Janaine and Anna! i love you both.
Thanks for being my listening hear and supporting me all way through,

P.s. It has been 10 hrs since i last talk to you.

diings @ 2008-10-10T17:44:00

2008-10-10T09:44:59Z

You're starting to take my time for granted.

I am upset.

2008-10-02T07:28:48Z

i'm depressed.i'm free again.
why must it happen now??
sigh.
nvm..life still have to move on. isn't it?
i think i did the right thing.

diings @ 2008-10-01T14:55:00

2008-10-01T07:13:38Z

19 DAYS TO O'LEVEL

Time passes really fast.My exams are round the corner.
honestly,i'm not prepared for it.
Maybe the fact that i haven been studying and avoiding it.
many times i told myself to study but i never did.
i tend to walk away sayin i will do it later.
Soon..i forgot all about it.
what is going on with me?
i need to do something.i need to change.
But first is my attitude.i need to work on that.
Is really not easy,need some time.
Alot of things have been happening around me.seriously,i don't like it.
i don't speak up and i don't wanna be a pushover.
i will not let my feelings control my thinking.its bad.
i need to calm down and speak what is right.
i don't wan to have negative thoughts i wanna be positive!
it is really hurtful and painful.

diings @ 2008-09-16T20:32:00

2008-09-16T12:33:52Z

I am feeling so fat.fat FAT!

sneezing off everything.

2008-08-10T07:08:19Z

Currently i am drowning myself with 3 bottles of herbal tea when i should be goin to my grandma's place.
But i am ill.suffering from cold and a going to be sore throat.
Its killing me,can't take it anymore.
Used up half roll of a tissue-sigh.
Exams are round the corner and here i am sick!
i am so tired.i need some rest rest and more rest.
The thought of going to school makes me feel sleepy.
perhaps i am at a stage whereby i am tired of studying.
gosh,i can't have that on my mind.
i have already wasted two years of my life for not doing well in primary 6 and my O's.
Can someone just plant some miro-chip in my brains that enable me to remember every damn topics is being taught.
i don't know what is wrong with me.whenever i stepped into the examination hall,my mind will just go blank.
i am suffering from what is that call...some enxiety?!
well i think not.is it because i am not well prepared? hmmm..yeah it is!
i feel like i was just born yesterday,i am not insulting myself.
you know,when your're just born.your parents plan everything for u and you can't make any decision.
i feel this way but for that decision part,well i can but im just so scared of taking the wrong step and end up regretting.
i am really full of regrets.i have many regrets in my life and i shall put a stop to it. yeah right..
Everyone,in their life do have regrets and mostly are about love life and studies! isn't it?
For my love life,i have none. i am really happy to have met him.just hope that he will love me for all his life and i love him so much too!
however my studies.yeah STUDIES! how how how? haha! studying makes me go berserk.really!

diings @ 2008-07-15T22:17:00

2008-07-15T14:26:03Z

Had chinese Listening today,went well (:
i've been so busy recently.Tution everyday after school except weekends, hopefully.
oh no! i will be having Biology practical this coming saturday and next saturday.
Damn it..im so so tired.Can't i just have a break? HAHA okay,that's ridiculous!
School as usual for tomorrow.Gonna have Mathematic the whole entire day.
From 1445 to 1800.isn't crazy?! yes i know!
Study Study Study! Pimple breakout one by one.
Eating eating and eating.i'm becoming fat! i don't want!
but im stressed! Eating is the only thing that can relieve my stress(:
not only that.Seeing you relieves my stress too!
haha!!

diings @ 2008-07-06T15:48:00

2008-07-06T07:49:31Z

Can u smell it?!
JEALOUSY!
i am super duper jealous and angry.

diings @ 2008-07-05T21:08:00

2008-07-05T13:46:34Z

I miss Posting! haha.it's been weeks or days that i don't update at all.
Recently i've been trying all ways to save money.its really tough! REALLY.
It almost killed me.Missing my recess,bringing lunch to school and i can't eat much.
Still i'm putting on weight. HAHA!
nowadays i just feel that school is really boring but challenging.
C'mon my form teacher placed me beside a top student.
The way she does her work really scares me.
So FAST! i can feel the pressure man! Just by seeing her writing and writing.Finishing all her work in such a short time.
GOODNESS! i feel so slow. So now i'm speeding up my work.But but being fast isn't everything is the quality of the work.

Do you all know what you want? what you want to achieve in your future?
3 words for me.
I DON'T KNOW!
i have to start thinking about it now.i'm already 18,not young anymore.i can't depend on anyone except myself.
Still remeber when i'm 8 yrs old,always wanting to grow up fast and be a young adult thinking that it'll be so much better.
However its no fun at all.really no fun. It's so presurised,feeling it from everyone.

Being a young adult isn't fun after all.

class gathering

2008-06-20T06:51:08Z

Class gathering was fun(:
sad thing is,what s small group.
Everyone is busy with their projects and school.
Only 9 people inlcuding me turned up.
I was late as usual.
Had dinner at Fish & Co.yummy!
deserts at Swensens. Spent quite alot in a day. i'm going broke! sians
please drop some money from above!! HAHAHA!
Had lots of fun with them even though just the 9 of us.
Shall have another gathering!!!!
LOVES!

Pissed Off

2008-06-15T17:22:06Z

I am angry that u smoke.
i am also upset when i see your gum bleeds.
do you know how terrible it is?when you don't bother?
Always smoking so much!Don't even bother about your health.
Then what's the point of u asking me to take care of myself when u don't??
I am angry that u drank so much when u know u cannot hold your liquor well.
i am angry when u say u gonna just smoke one stick but u didn't.
Do you have any idea how worried am i?
Worried when you are crossing the road.
Worried that you might just bump into something and injure yourself.
i am so angry with you.
I am also very worried for your safety.

diings @ 2008-06-15T14:28:00

2008-06-15T06:44:23Z

Yesterday night was uber happy.
attended a concert held at victoria Concert Hall.
Before we even reach that place.
i was late for 45 minutes.Later on my 3 inch heels was killing me.
so i bought a pair of heels that is only 1.5 inch.
felt so much better.But its a new pair thus causing me to have blister.
Still i manage to walk from city hall to raffles place just to get flowers.
but it was CLOSED! DAMN!
so we walked back to the concert hall.
The concert was great.Its so much better than my School's band.
but i should say that my school seems more grand.HAHA!
In terms of playing,Last night was the best.
Then went for late night supper at Newton.
Delicious(: yum yum!

diings @ 2008-06-08T00:18:00

2008-06-07T16:28:56Z

Will crying make you feel better? Will crying just solve everything?
After a cry,you'll just realise how silly you are.
I am a cry baby,i suppose.
crying at every single thing.goodness! why?!
feel such a loser.

diings @ 2008-06-03T11:35:00

2008-06-03T03:36:21Z

I'M IN SCHOOL NOW.
BORRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGG~!

Yawn~

2008-06-02T03:53:16Z

Currently im attending this Computerised Accounting Course in school.
This trainer who is a school teacher used to teach Green View Secondary and now Xin Min Sceondary School.
She's really scary and retarded to me! Her jokes is like so odd,making herself to be like a fool.
It's boring me. It's from 0830 to 1630.
After that i still need to rush home and help out at the pub!
goodness!! its tiring cause the next day i still need to attend this course.SIgh.

diings @ 2008-05-31T12:23:00

2008-05-31T04:36:51Z

Ananda,

Loving you is so easy.

There are so many reasons why I love you.
The little things you do, the simple gestures you make, the feelings and thoughts that you share with me. I adore the way you look, the way you move, and your infectious smile.
There are so many things to love about you!
Do you know I love it when you daydream and you think no one is watching?
Do you know I love the way your eyes sparkle when you look at me?
Do you know I love it when you prepare pancakes for me?
Do you know i love it when we kissed?
Do you know i love all the suprises that you have given me?
Do you know i love it when you are such a baby?
Do you know i love the way u show your worries and concern towards me?
Do you know i love being piggy-back by you?
Do you know i love being in your arms?
Do you know i love tickling you and see a wide smile on your face?
Do you know i love to watch you sleep?
I could go on and on.
It's important to me that you know that I love you - and how much I love you.
So whatever it is that you are doing, thinking or saying, as you go about your day
know that I am there with you, loving you. Its enough.
You mean the world to me and I care about you so deeply that it hurts for the short time that we are not together each day. My every thought and breath, I draw from you and I truly do love you.

I love you and you are my world. You are the most sweetest, most precious man in my life. All my life I prayed for someone like you and I thank God that I finally found you.
Ananda, promise me that you will always be mine. I know in my heart our love will never die. You will always be a part of me and I am a part of you indefinitely.
I don't find enough words to describe how I feel about you. You possess all the color and beauty of heavens, lush and satiny. Do you know how much I hunger for your gentle touch and the warmth embrace of your body?

I love you, you are my every heartbeat and my every breath.

diings @ 2008-05-23T12:54:00

2008-05-23T05:22:17Z

Turned EIGHTEEN on 22/05/2008 yesterday!
Was pretty upset,my parents had forgotten my birthday.None has wished me till now.
Not even a birthday cake and a wonderful dinner which i have it every year.Perhaps they are too busy or old to remember.Well,birthday isn't a big deal,just to celebrate of being one year older.That's all.
Only my elder sis and my brother.
They had gotten something for me.Thank you Sis and Bro!
Another thing that has made my day was the birthday wishes from my friends and classmates, not forgetting my baby who bought me my favourite orea cheesecake,18 balloons of my favourite colours,a bottle of red wine and sang me a birthday song.Which is totally worth remembring! HAHA!

ps.Baby,thank you so much for this small suprises even thou it takes up so much of ur time!
i totally enjoyed myself.not forgetting the help u get from jia yao and xue ying(:
Thank you so much!

Anyway,its my dooms day today.
Parents meeting,receiving of report books.
OH no! im dead.i did bady again.
guess my mom will just scream at me and lost hope in me.
evrything won't be the same again after this afternoon.
i'm goin to be grounded.no usage of the comp and phone too.
evrything,every single thing that every teenager needs will be gone for me just like that.
SO..Turning 18 isn't great afterall. no one know whether your 18,19or 20.
What all matters is the results u get at the end of the day.
Celebrating of birthdays is never ending.

Wrong Decision??

2008-05-18T11:01:56Z

School. School. School !!
is it a wrong decision to return to school? i feel like a total failure.
mid-years papers was returned to us.Well,i didn't do well.
i did worst than O levels.IMAGINE! everyone has set high hopes on you,but the results u get wasn't ideal.
In the end,u disappoint everyone.its so embarrassing too.

i really have no idea how my mom will react when she recieve my report book.
she will just scream and there goes my phone into the drawer.NO PHONE!
NO This NO that...c'mon im 18.
im feeling terrible,wanna cry out loud.
sigh..

Ps.The time i spend with u was really beautiful.Always right there when i needed you.
You are everything i need(:

diings @ 2008-05-11T20:36:00

2008-05-11T12:40:26Z

Wishing all mother's...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
especially to my mom.
Thanks for all the effort and care u have given us(:
i truly appreciate the love and the time u spend with us.
MOMMY!
I LOVE YOU (:

diings @ 2008-04-21T20:09:00

2008-04-21T12:10:59Z

I look like a retard now!
Braces is painful,the feeling is so tight and numb.
I chose baby blue(: